2. Give your child less to grieve about.
Parents who care about their child—and that’s almost all parents—will want to minimize that child’s already deep wounds from the divorce. And the worst thing to add is parent conflict.
Other children of divorce have the blessing of parents who relate with courtesy and cooperation. Does your child deserve any less? Is there ever any good reason your child should pay an even heavier price than other children?
And don’t ever forget that when you use cooperation and courtesy to protect your child, you have committed an act of heroism that no one else can offer your child.
Show Extra Tip- Having to guess what my parents' next exchange will be like
- Having to feel responsible for ongoing conflict.
- Having to live a split life by pretending to have one set of feelings when with one parent and another set of feelings when with the other parent.
- Having to feel humiliated.
Make a list of all the hurt and losses you would not want to add to what your separation has done to your children. These can include dozens of things you can spare them:
Unleash the hero in you and vow not to let these additional losses and injuries come to your children.
Do something nice for yourself for this heroism.
“The thing that stresses children most, sometimes for many years, is lingering conflict between parents.”
Children, Courts, and Custody: Interdisciplinary Models for Divorcing Families, p. 80.
—Andrew I. Schepard