5. Let your child's needs set the pace.

Just as adults can’t process their grief at prescribed schedules, so children need to grieve at their own pace.

Bedtime may have to be extended on some nights. Activities may be interrupted. Parents’ own schedules (and wish that their children not hurt so much) may have to take a backseat to this grieving.

It won’t help a child to hear that she should think about—or talk about—her sadness at a more convenient time. Likewise, it probably won’t help to force a child to talk about what he’s not ready to talk about.

Show Extra Tip
  • Be prepared for a child’s losses to pop up at seemingly strange times. A birthday party, a missed shot on the basketball court, an embarrassing day at school—all these can trigger that last bit of hurt that brings out a torrent of feeling.
  • Don’t dismiss a child’s expression of hurt—and especially don’t dismiss it because it comes at an odd time or seems to have been caused by some other event.

“Observe due measure, for right timing is in all things the most important factor.”

—Hesiod