7. “Tell me what's really good about your spouse—and your spouse's parenting.”

Excellent family attorneys invite parents to build on their combined strengths, not to highlight each other’s weaknesses. They discourage blaming and encourage problem-solving.

Beware of any process that damages your relationship with your co-parent—because that relationship will be the key to how your children survive.

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  • There’s another compelling reason to begin recalling the good in one’s co-parent: children need to hear affirming statements from parents about each other. There is no better way for children to know (1) they get something good from each parent and (2) that the parents can be counted on to act as a team when the children need them.
  • Exercise C on UpToParents.org asks parents to make a list of 10 compliments each parent will share with the children about the other parent. This exercise has been a revelation for many parents—and certainly for their children who desperately need to know that their parents see good in each other.