10. “I can't do anything right. I deserve whatever bad happens to me.”

Again, children tend not to blame their parents nearly as much as they blame themselves.

It’s common for parents, especially those consumed in conflict, to forget that being a child is not easy. Growing up, trying to fit in, and picturing how one’s life will go are real challenges even without the additional burdens that come with parental fighting.

When that fighting leads, as it often does, to academic and social problems, the children can fall into a cycle of progressive self-blame and self-criticism. “These grades prove how awful I am.” “I don’t fit in because of how messed up I am.”

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“Children in high-conflict homes are more likely to view themselves ... in overly negative and hostile ways.”

Children and Marital Conflict: The Impact of Family Dispute and Resolution, p. 5.

—E. Mark Cummings and Patrick Davies

“Children believe they are responsible for all of the major occurrences in their lives—including parental fighting. Conflict essentially stops kids in their tracks—they are less free to go about the business of being a kid, meeting the developmental tasks that are essential to forming a healthy self.”

Good Parenting Through Your Divorce, p. 36.

—Mary Ellen Hannibal