8. “I will make one parent angry (or hurt) if I need or love my other parent.”

In the natural order of things, parents protect children. In the upside-down world of parent conflict, children may feel forced to take care of their parents.

And parent conflict can trap children in a particularly painful bind: I have to deny needing or loving one parent to keep from angering or hurting my other parent.

Remember that your job is to give your children the best possible substitute for losing their intact family, not making their already-imperfect family life even more painful.

Find every way you can to support your children’s good relationships with their other parent.

“In divorce ... the choices that are put before children do not lead to a sense of control Rather, they often lead to the child being placed in a position of feeling like they are betraying one parent or the other (or both).”

Adult Children of Divorce: How to Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents' Breakup and Enjoy Love, Trust, and Intimacy,
p. 61.

—Jeffrey Zimmerman and Elizabeth S. Thayer