3. “I need to fix this. It's dangerous if I don't.”

Children are so sad and fearful over parent conflict that most will feel the need to fix it.

Even children who are told they aren’t responsible for their parents’ conflict will often feel responsible to do something.

Which sets up a ghastly “I-have-to-and-I’ll-fail” trap for kids. “I have to fix this dangerous situation” is often quickly followed by, “It’s my fault because I failed.”

In all likelihood, the only way you can save your children from this pain is by ending all parent conflict.

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“Because they are often the centerpiece of their parents' arguments…these children feel responsible for causing the disputes, yet must feel helpless to control or stop the conflict.”

Through the Eyes of Children: Healing Stories for Children
of Divorce, p. xv.

—Janet R. Johnston, Karen Breunig, Carla Garrity and Mitchell Baris