11. “I'd do anything to feel better or to fit in.”
Children living in conflict can accurately be seen as having an emotional hole in them. And that hole doesn’t remain empty. Things fill it up, often very dangerous things.
A lot of talk is given to children's “risk factors”: divorce, conflict, lack of support systems.
The staggering number of children in communities across the country succumbing to academic failure, alcohol and drug abuse, and involvement in a wide range of dangerous activities and relationships underscores that growing up today is already a dangerous business.
This simply is not an age of innocence for children, not unless we consistently bring that innocence into our children’s lives.
When today’s children don’t receive that gift, they may fall harder than children in earlier generations.
“Conflicts between parents are likely to cause children:
- tension, anxiety, and regression
- feelings of confusion and embarrassment
- feelings of responsibility and self-blame
- withdrawal or clinging behavior at transitions
- long-term emotional and behavioral wounds
- feelings of disillusionment, fear, insecurity, or vulnerability
- temper tantrums, school problems, or self-destructive behaviors.”
Parenting After Divorce: A Guide to Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Children's Needs,
p. 25.
— Philip M. Stahles