6. “I can't talk about my real hurt and real fears.”

Perhaps one of the scariest and most devastating ways that parent conflict injures children is by sending them the message that their needs must be sacrificed. The dark needs of the parents are so loudly and frighteningly expressed that children may feel they cannot bring a single need of their own to the table.

In fact, parents in conflict will almost never hear from their children an honest account of their needs and fears.

And this forced dishonesty about their needs and fears is just another painful injury children obviously do not deserve.

“Children also find it difficult to talk about sensitive topics and feelings because they fear they might escalate the fight … Instead, some turn inward, trying to make do with their own meager resources.”

Through the Eyes of Children: Healing Stories for Children of Divorce.
pp. xiv-xviii.

—Janet R. Johnston, Karen Breunig, Carla Garrity and Mitchell Baris