12. “I don't care anymore.”

Parents in conflict often are surprised to see their children drop out of activities that they once loved. A star basketball player one day announces he’s not interested in going out for the team. A straight-A student stops taking an interest in school—or even drops out. A once-talkative child becomes sullen and withdrawn.

The truth is that children, like adults, become depressed over depressing circumstances. And depressed people characteristically lose interest in things that once captivated them.

Children of conflict have one additional reason to withdraw inside themselves: it often feels better to become invisible than to risk being in the line of fire. A local psychologist tells the story of a young baseball star whose parents’ fighting led him to quit his team. “Why hit a home run,” the young man asked, “when your parents are sitting on separate sidelines ready to fight? I’d rather not do anything that brings us together.

I don’t even want to be seen much.”

“Ongoing postdivorce conflict reinforces the child's belief that bad things will continue to happen to him or her
in the future and that he or she is helpless to do anything about it.”

Divorce Wars—Interventions with Families in Conflict,
p. 197.

—Elizabeth M. Ellis